ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
