The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So squirting runs in the family.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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