Why does Corona taste like a burp?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
