I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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