Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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