I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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