Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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