I just threw up on my dentist
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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