3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
