I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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