Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dicks are not precious.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
