Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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