We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
