Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
