is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
