He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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