I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize