I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
