I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
