well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
