"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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