If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
