you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize