He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
