dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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