After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
