Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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