so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
