this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
