i don't like sucking hair
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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