bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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