okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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