I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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