I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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