My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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