Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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