Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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