And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
