I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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