i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
