You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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