If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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