I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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