she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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