I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
