Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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