You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
