Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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