i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
