3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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