I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
