I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
