I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
