Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
