I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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