hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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