I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize