I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
