Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
