i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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