Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
