we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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