I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
