Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
