No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
