I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
