Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
