I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
