If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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