ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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