I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
