Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
