Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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